Wisdom in this post: Approve of yourself enough to not seek out the approval of others. Your negative thoughts and beliefs are generally not from you and do not belong to you. You are valuable and worthy as you are, in this moment, and you do not need to do anything to prove your worth or value. Move into an intention to love yourself over, and over, and over again.
I’m going to use this topic as a platform to explore self-love more deeply, and share how I’ve been embodying this in my own life. I am am only a humble traveler on the path to self-realization and have by no means mastered these ideas. I am, however, getting there.
Recently I had an interesting experience at an interview. I had two rounds of interviews with two different interviewers. Before each interview, I reminded myself that I am not here to seek the approval of this organization or my interviewers. I am here to present myself as I am. I am valuable and worthy as I am and I do not need to do anything to prove my worth or value. I told myself that no matter the outcome – I will love myself. The universe works in mysterious ways, divine order will always prevail, and at the end of the day – I will end up at the best place for me. There are no accidents.
The first round went very well. I had a great rapport with my interviewer and I had a good feeling throughout. I felt content with my responses to the questions posed and was fully present. The second round, however, felt a bit more challenging. The questions posed weren’t difficult, but I noticed self-doubt creeping in. I questioned whether I was connecting with my interviewer, and whether what I was saying made any sense to her. Suddenly, my energy was split (unconsciously) to both portraying my true authentic self, while also reading my interviewer’s mood. Soon, I started experiencing waves of boredom, and I’m not sure whether that boredom I was picking up belonged to me or my interviewer. I feel that it was most likely my own, because I was just repeating most of what I just mentioned to my previous interviewer a few moments ago, but a part of me felt concerned that I was making my interviewer bored too. Suddenly, my mind blanked mid-sentence. I shared this much, and recollected my thoughts soon after. I also found myself admiring my interviewer and being inspired by her – she even gave me generous words of advice for my future and seemed to indirectly praise my intrinsic drive to continually evolve. Before we parted, she advised me to pick the opportunity that makes me most happy (which I have no idea if this had any undertone of “I like you” or “I hope you have other places to choose from”). Overall, I left the interview feeling ambivalent about how it went.
I shared my honest thoughts with a family member – that I couldn’t really gauge how the second interview went but I think it went okay overall. My family member then assumed that I had done poorly in my second interview, when the truth was that I had done okay, and I was just unsure of how my interviewer felt. Interviews are difficult because we want to feel liked and appreciated by our interviewer. It can be challenging to subdue this, very normal, urge and show up in our full authenticity, just enjoying the moment. I tried my best, and truly it shouldn’t matter whether or not my interviewer likes me or not. Some people like us, some people don’t. Some people have the capacity to see our true value but some people don’t. And life is sometimes just a weird, random, conglomerate of inexplicable events strung together by series of moments. My family member regretted not helping me prior to my interview, as then I apparently would have performed better. I proceeded to begin feeling anxiety and regret around my interview. “Oh dear, it did go poorly didn’t it? I screwed up again didn’t I? If only I practiced more! If only I took this more seriously. Why didn’t I prepare more?” Suddenly thoughts of fear and regret overtook me.
After a day or so of cycling the past in my mind – while completely distorting my memory of the experience, I had a moment of realization. Why am I so afraid of the outcome? Didn’t I tell myself that there is divine order and no matter what happens, I will love myself regardless? Why am I being so hard on myself? I looked at the content and quality of my thoughts and realized that these weren’t mine! I picked these up from my anxious family member! As my mentor B. Logue notes, these thoughts, feelings and beliefs weren’t from me and do not belong to me! This realization freed me of them. I smiled, and they were gone. And I again, re-set my intention to love myself. I know that I am capable and worthy. Likely much, much more than I give myself credit for at the moment. Now I get to relax and wait to see how things unfold. It can be hard to trust in uncertain times but trust we must. This time, I choose to trust in myself.
I still have no idea how my second interview went, but I don’t care anymore. I’ll end up in a great place regardless. I believe in myself and in life. In my past few decades of life, each year has been an adventure in growth, self-discovery, insight, and great gifts. Why would the coming year be any different? In fact, I am working hard to make each passing year better than the last, and to become a better version of myself each passing day. No matter where I end up, I will feel grateful to be there, and make the most of my experience. There are no accidents. There can no wrong choice, or path, or step for me. Only another adventure waiting to happen.
I choose to love myself no matter what. As new and foreign as the concept of self-love may feel, I am committed to learning and living it.
Wherever I belong, let me end up there.
Wherever I will learn the most, let me end up there.
Wherever I will feel closest to you, let me end up there.
Wherever I feel the most joy, let me end up there.
Wherever I am most peaceful, let me end up there.
Now to dedicate a song to my Self.
I discovered Praful yesterday by accident, and this piece is pure ecstasy.
“I Saw You
and became silent
no words to say
nobody left to speak
I Saw You
and became empty
more beautiful than existence
Comes a Time
when nothing is meaningful
surrendering to Love.”
– Praful Mystik
Update: The interview was a success. I got the job.